I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I want her autograph on my taint
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
