I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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