Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
