i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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