i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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