i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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