The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
