Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
