Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
