I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
