so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
