Pappa wants mamma naked
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
