friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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