Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
