So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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