im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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