His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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