Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
