Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
