They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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