I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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