shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
