Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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