every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
