what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
