You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
