im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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