Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
