that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
