I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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