Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
