check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
