We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
