I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
