I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
