I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
