some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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