What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
