i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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