Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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