If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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