I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
