The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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