Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
