Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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