I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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