Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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