I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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