i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
