sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
