Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
