My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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