I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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